I feel the need to write. I feel like there are things I must say, things I feel I should make known, but I do not know what those words are. I do not know where I would begin or how I would follow. I listen to Bolero over and over. This song is so beautiful. I feel contemplative. I do not know how else to explain it. I'm not happy or excited. I'm not upset or angry. I feel emotional, but I can't place it. Which is what I find frustrating.

Time is going by so fast. Which is where I find joy. Soon, soon, it will be over. I can start over again. Soon.

I need to go out, lie under the stars, let my mind wander as I do often. Today was beautiful, besides the 2 hours of random storm weather.

Sleeping sounds lovely right now.

I guess my emotion for now, how I feel could be described as poetic, philosophical. You know of what I speak? Where you feel content, always thinking. About everything, many things. You feel no stress. You feel no pressure. Just there. Existence.

Let you live, love. Let you be. your best. Let it. sink in. laugh. Laugh away the tears. Do not. show. weakness.

Walk over me when it's convenient for you. Hypocrisy, I thought I was a root of it, but I notice others are not too far off. I'll let my heart suck it all up, like a twister and then lock it away. It's capacity is larger than I thought for I have yet to explode. It's in my blood. We hold it in and smile, not wishing to burden. Can I take much more? If it's in the cards, I suppose we'll see soon enough. I do not have it tough. Others have it worse. For me it is all emotional. Of course I'm sure I would rather prefer physical damage than have to deal with the obscenities and confused anger of my mind. Will it always play for the dramatics?

I always worry about what others think. About if I am upsetting them, offending them. I put their feelings before mine, I'm sure there are those who would not believe me. But I do that. I don't know why. I find it pointless at the end of the day. Making me out to be a bitch, some catch that side of me whether they deserve it or not. I've made mistakes. I have hurt people. People close to me. But at least I realized it. I mourned it. I cried over it and chose a better path. At least I am not oblivious. I deserve some credit. I am human. I do the best I can with what I have. Do not look down on me. You are in the same boat. You are no better. Your secrets are probably darker than mine. If you have a problem with who I am then go complain to your god. The one who created me to be like this. You hate me, hate him. That's what it says in your Word does it not? "If you hate God, you hate his people?" You can't can you? Figured as much. Hypocrite. Go swallow your tongue.